Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Many hats, one heart

Mommyhood isn't an easy job.  Neither is teaching.  Nor being a wife, a friend, a daughter, a sister, and all the while staying true to myself.  Wearing so many hats, having so many things to balance, and trying to maintain sanity through it all takes its toll--mentally, emotionally, get the idea.  Right now my 'balance' is off, my strength is weakened, and yet I'm feeling quite guilty for complaining about anything, especially considering how blessed I am in my life. 

It's not very often that I can say I had a 'bad day'.  I have 'blah' things that happen to me but then I put things into perspective, and it changes my attitude.  If that doesn't work, I'll try to find the humorous side of things, I'll indulge in (several) sweet treats, I'll do something silly with my kids, I'll make something crafty, I'll have myself a good cry, or, because of my recent resolution, I'll write.  Today was one of those 'bad days', where I tried not just one, not two, but all of those 'tricks'.

My mother-in-law text me today just as I was getting into the car from picking up the kids at daycare.  The message said 'luv u'.  Sweet and simple, but the timing couldn't have been more ideal (I'm guessing that as she's reading this, she's thinking, 'it's a God thing'! :)  See, not an hour earlier at work, I was sitting in a planning meeting with my teammates when I did something I never really do in front of people...I broke down.  I couldn't grasp the true cause of it, but that's because there isn't just 'one' cause.  Work, home,'s all spiraling out of control (that might be a bit dramatic, but I'm factoring my hormonal imbalance into my current mix of madness).

Our meeting wrapped up and I left work without my plan book, without the tests I have to finish scoring, without anything that remotely reminds me of the work I have to do.  Yeah, I know...this makes little sense since I'm trying to reduce my stress levels.  You'd imagine I'd bring home some work so I could check some things off my (lengthy) list at work.  'Lucky' for me, I have *quite* the list at home as well. 

When I responded back to mom's text with a 'love you 2', I explained that I really needed that, as I just had another crying fit (yeah, I cried again in the car on the way to get the kids).  Mom responed back with 'it's ok to cry...I'm learning this'.  Another 'God thing'.  I really needed to hear that too, because even though I knew this, it's good to be reminded that it is ok to show your emotions.  Tears aren't weakness.  For me, tears are the pressure valve on my heart, when I've got too much weighing on it.

Between the tears, the texts, and the two little tykes in the backseat of my car, I was starting to feel 'ok' as we drove home.  The 'lists' are still there, but the tension was starting to release enough to the point where I knew I'd be able to enjoy the few hours I had to myself with Gavin and Brynn before bed.

And enjoy them, I did.  We danced while dinner was heating up, chatted about the baby as we ate, and then headed down to the basement, as Gavin asked if he could play Star Wars on Xbox.  I had a quick little project I wanted to stamp and put together, so Brynn and I played 'restaurant'.  I worked in my craft room and she bustled back and forth between their play kitchen, serving me a variety of delicious plastic treats. 

nothing beats 'spag-geg-i' and coffee

Adorable?  Yes.  Then came time to get ready for bed.  Gavin was actually looking forward to getting ready for bed.  The kids love bath night, but it's becoming increasingly difficult for me to lean over the tub to wash the munchkins.  Gavin asked if he could shower by himself tonight, which was a *fabulous* idea, since showers are far faster than bathtime.  He was so proud of himself, being so 'grown up', only needing mommy to remind him of what to do next (I was instructed under no circumstances was I allowed to help).  I did, however, manage to snap a few photos for my 'tiny' collection of pics of my kids ;)

washing behind his ears!

Brynn on the other hand, well...she's not a fan of showers.  She kept her eyes clamped shut, and her vocal chords open wide as she let the entire cul-de-sac know what she thought of 'shower time' over 'bath time'.  Needless to say, I was unable to snap any photos (wet toddlers are slippery little I'm not sure I want to remember the torture--to us both--in any capacity).

I did, however, snap these pictures right before turning off their lights...

(ok, so they're not really sleeping...but they were very shortly after their lights were out)

And with that...I found the 'trick'.  The tears helped, crafting was productive, writing has been refreshing, and dancing around like a fool made me laugh (count: humor and fun with kids...two birds, one stone).  Shockingly enough, the Hershey's almond bar I bought myself didn't really do much, and in fact I left half of it sitting in the wrapper for Randy.  While I still have tons to do, deadlines to meet, emails to respond to, etc, etc, etc...the trick, the one (well 3) things that will make all of that diminsh, if even for the night...are the two little angelic faces above and the third little angelic face we have yet to officially meet, who is currently kicking around in response to that half a Hershey bar (did I mention it was a king size? ;)

*sigh*...I'll get past this glitch.  I'm sure I'll cry again in the next few days.  I'm confident this won't be the last time I have moments in life like this.  But I also know I'm blessed.  I get to be a mommy, a teacher, a wife, a friend, a daughter, a sister...and I can't imagine eliminating one of those jobs just to make my life less hectic for one moment.


  1. Always amazing the kinds of emotions those little faces can bring (smiles, laughter, anger, disappointment...., but we can't imagine our lives without them)I know my life would seem completely empty without mine!
    Jan T

  2. When you allow yourself to stay in the palm of His hand, the important stuff always gets done...maybe "accomplished" is a better word. Thinking of and praying for you often!