Saturday, January 21, 2012

A break from the madness

I wish I had let the beauty of this morning's sunrise fill my soul

It's been a stressful time recently.  Work, kids' schedules, Randy's schedule, work, the house, work...

My mood has danced along the entire spectrum from blissful to downright cantankerous and everywhere in between (often times, in multiple places at the same time, which is *fun*--just ask Randy).  I feel as though I've been covered by a wet blanket from which I cannot seem to escape.  The struggles I'm feeling in my quest to be a 'more perfect me' are enough to leave me with what I can only assume is a (temporary?) case of ADD.  I have so many plates that I'm trying to keep spinning, that my capacity to give 100% to everything I do is dwindling...and fast. 

I'm taking a class that will ultimately leave me qualified to have a student teacher in my classroom.  The first week assignments circled around my own reflecting on my student teaching experience.  One of the first things that came to mind as I tried to rewind all the way back, nearly 10 years ago, was that my cooperating teacher had taught me that while I have a deep passion for teaching, I need to make sure that I recognize the importance of creating balance. She taught me to give it my all while I was at work and during the week, but to make sure that there came a time when the work needed to be set aside and life needed to be enjoyed in a different capacity, that didn't focus around objectives and standards.  I've always carried that with me, and have, for the most part, been successful in doing so.  **Of course, there are times (i.e. conference prep, report cards), where I am beckoned to stuff my teaching bag to the brim with work and complete it in any free moment I can find over the weekends.

As I organized my desk on Friday afternoon, getting set for the upcoming week so that Monday morning wouldn't be such a flurry; I found myself faced with a decision.  Did I a.) bring my lesson plan book home, as it is only filled with a framework for the upcoming week, rather than a more in-depth description of anything I'm teaching past Monday (I always make sure I'm at least prepared a day in advance in case of a sick kid)...or did I b.) leave it on my desk, ready for at least Monday, knowing I will have my planning period on that day to sort through the specifics for the rest of the week.  My instincts as a teacher result in a mind that is almost always processing ways in which to teach the curriculum with which I am presented, however I'm a paper/pencil kinda gal, who needs to 'see' my teaching points written neatly in the little boxes of my plan book.  I have such a feeling of accomplishment I experience when I see my plans written out (neatly, and in pencil should I have to erase--scratched out ink is a no-no in my plan book! *yes, I know, I need help). 

So, I should have chosen the first option, right?  My plan book should be tucked away in my teaching bag, awaiting my mechanical pencil marks that will fill its pages with innovative ideas that will inspire learning throught my classroom full of knowledge sponges, right?

Wrong.  Randy is off this weekend, and until his new 'normal' schedule takes effect, he's on the verge of yet another schedule change for the engineers.  A schedule change that will have him working more days in a row, and (essentially) less time off.  *Joy*

So, despite the plates spinning in the air, the work that I should be doing, the house I should be cleaning, the clothes I should be folding, the toys/clothes/baby gear I should be organizing and preparing to donate...I spent the day behind the lens--the camera lens, that is.  Gavin had the first game of his new basketball season this morning, followed by a swimming party for one of his friends at the Rec Center.  I took pictures, I watched my kids have fun, I watched them laugh and splash and shoot and rebound and drool and cheer on their brother.  Was I the nicest, least-stressed, calmest-toned person?  Sadly, no.  I let my negativity show more than I wish I had.  Do I wish I had followed my heart more than my cluttered mind today?  Absolutely.  But there's not much I can do to change it.  I've simply apologized and will move forward in a more positive light.  Tomorrow is a new day.

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