Wednesday, February 16, 2011

finding the heartbeat

Tonight I sat down to write.  And I sat.  And sat.  I was so frustrated because I couldn't come up with something that I wanted to share, something to remember.  Odd, because I just spent my last post writing about how it's the 'little things' that are really important.  I guess it's not really that I couldn't think of something to write about, but it's that I couldn't find some thing to write about.  I had a dozen or so different ideas floating around in my head...words, ideas, and photographs all swimming around.  I've become reliant on using photos in my posts because as I realize other people are reading my ramblings, I feel *obligated* to give them something *interesting*, rather than just a lengthy story (I'm not ashamed to admit it...I write just about as much as I talk.  a lot.).  While I love taking pictures of my kids, my life, the reality of finding something new and original each day to photograph is...well...a stretch.  I guess I'll see if I have any pictures to add tonight...

Tonight was the second night in a row where Brynn claimed she 'wasn't tired' and tried to opt-out of sleep.  After I put her to bed, she came shuffling down the stairs, blankie and lovey in hand, ready for some more cuggling and television watching.  While it's hard to resist her pouty little bottom lip, I do know giving in will give her the upper hand.  However...I've discovered that 'cuggling' with Brynn and her blankie will inevitably lead to sleepy eyes in roughly 5 minutes (recently...this is true for both her and me!).  After an exhausting day, 5 minutes of cuggling sounded far better than the alternative: tears, pouting, and foot stomping. 

I pulled Brynn onto the little lap that I have left and she promptly snuggled in, hand on my belly, ear on my chest.  She was quiet for a while, which made me think she'd fallen asleep.  All the sudden, she lifted her head up, and with a smile on her face said, "Mommy! I hear your heart beep!".   I asked her what it sounded like, so she made a 'thump thump' sound.  She asked why I had a 'heart beep' so I explained in basic 2 year old terminology what she was hearing.

It was about now that baby started kicking and again I saw her cute little face light up as she realized she was feeling her little sibling moving around.  Usually, this sort of movement results in Brynn putting her face up close to my belly and shouting, "Hey, baby! Don't kick my mommy!".  But not tonight.  She was loving feeling the little movements of feet/arms/baby bottom.  She put her ear to my belly and was disappointed to realize that she couldn't hear the baby's 'heart beep' in the way that we hear it at the doctor's office.  She couldn't hear it at all of course, and wanted to know why.  Again, 2 year old terminology saved the day, and my basic explaination seemed to placate her curiousities...for tonight.  Phew.

Finding the heartbeat.  It's simple and complex at the same time.  When I'm in front of my class teaching writing, I spend a lot of time getting my students to identify the 'heart' of their story, and focus their writing around that central idea.  It's a hard concept for my students to grasp, and, as I think back over my posts I've written here, I find myself not always 'practicing what I teach'.  I stray, I digress, I add little 'thoughtshots' (teacher term!).  But, I'm not trying to win any sort of prize.  I'm not out to impress or brag with my blog.  The goal, or rather, the heart of my blog is the very thing that brought me the inspiration to post tonight.  My kids.  Brynn literally found my 'heart beep', while inadvertently reminding me of why I write.  For me, writing gives me a chance to unwind, to relax, to experiment with words, to enjoy something that I remember loving when I was in school and have let go by the wayside.  For my kids, writing allows them to have little snippets of their life recorded, little stories remembered, and 'little things' recounted so that when they're older, they have them to share, read, and enjoy.  For my family, writing allows me to share the pieces and parts of my kids' lives that they're missing.  It gives them a window through which to peek into and observe the 'little things' that keeps the heartbeat going in our household. 

Since my goal is to have some sort of keepsake for our kids to have for when they get older, I want them to remember this:  Keep the 'heart of life' in perspective in your daily life and activies.  Remember the true purpose and what's most important.  Re-evaluate this often, because as you travel through your life, it will shift along the way.  Remember to take the time every now and then to snuggle in, rest your head on your chest, and find the 'heart beep'.  You won't regret the time it takes, even if it means your little girl getting to stay up a little later than usual.

the heart of her be 'herself' quirky as she may be :)

the heart of my keep a smile on her rabbit-like as it may be :)

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