Saturday, February 5, 2011

and the countdown begins...

Q: What's the difference between a pregnant woman and a model?

A: Nothing, if the pregnant woman's husband knows what's good for him.

Ahh...the third trimester.  It's here, and it's *better* than ever.  On Monday I'm heading in to the doctor for my 30 week check-up...which means I'm basically in the single digit countdown for 'weeks to go'.  Wow.

The other night I found myself saying to Randy, "I'm so over this", referring to being pregnant.  I know, I know...I have basically an entire trimester to go, but I'm feeling done already.  Three pregnancies in 5 years is exhausting on the body, mind, and emotions.  Don't get me wrong, I love being pregnant, and as my husband so 'lovingly' reminded me...'I wanted this'.  I know we're blessed to have two healthy children and a healthy third pregnancy.  It's not that I'm not beyond grateful to have the opportunity to be a mommy three times over.  I thank God every day (multiple times, even) for the gifts of Gavin, Brynn, and baby 'giraffe'.  But there's all these diachotomies that come along with pregnancy.

For example...
~I adore the little kicks and shifts as baby finds the most comfortable spot in his/her cramped quarters. 
~I do not adore when baby finds a spot that might bring comfort inside, but causes mommy discomfort outside. 
~I adore the fact that I can use the old 'I'm eating for two' excuse as I help myself to an extra scoop of ice cream, or a second helping of pasta at dinner (or, sadly, both on many nights ;)
~I do not adore the weight gain, the stretch marks, knowing my body will never go back to how it was.
~I adore the fact that I have the ability to carry and protect our babies as they grow in my belly.
~I do not adore having to teeter-toter back and forth to get up from the couch or out of bed.
~I adore that we've been blessed with three amazing children
~I do not adore the feeling of lacking in my parenting as I try to dedicate special time to spend with each child individually (baby 'giraffe' included...I'm struggling to feel as connected with this pregnancy as I was with Gavin--I went through the same thing with Brynn)
~I adore baby clothes shopping.  They're all so darling, so tiny, so perfect (both boys and girls). 
~I do not adore that my clothes don't have waistlines.  They're not tiny, not darling, not perfect.  Every morning I cry as I try to find something to wear.  I rely on elastic, belly bands, and shapeless clothing to outfit my growing, changing body.
~I do not adore having to pee every seven minutes; not being able to wear my wedding rings all the time because sometimes my fingers swell; that I can't lay on my stomach; that I have ridiculous dreams that have been freaking me out, that it hurts to sit on the floor and play with my kids (I know, I didn't have something to 'adore' before listing these...they're just some of my current frustrations).
~However, I do adore being pregnant.  I'm not the first one to do it, I'm not the last, but while I am, I sure feel amazing that I have the power to do this miraculous feat of human nature.

I'm just feeling 'done'.  I know I will absolutely miss pregnancy once it's over.  I'm sure there will be times when I see a pregnant woman and think 'ohhh...I so miss that'.  I can guarantee I'll experience a whole slew of emotions and shed tears as baby grows (all the kids, really) and I have to pass on the clothing that no longer fits and the baby gear we no longer need.  I'm just letting Randy know this it won't be a surprise later.  I'll miss pregnancy.  I will always *love* babies.  I'll want to hold them, smell their little heads, and will wish our children were that small again.  Those things all come with mommyhood.  But I am also letting him know that this will be the last little member of our family, we won't have any more kids, and I'm absolutely, 100% happy about that fact.  Rather than our focus being on 'growing' our family, in a few months our focus will move to watching our family 'grow'.  It sounds the same, but in my brain it's completely different.  So just go with it.

And for those of you who's the latest baby bump picture (sorry for those of you who didn't ask!)
*ignore the tired eyes, dark circles, and general look of exhaustion* (thanks! ;)

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